Be Selfish and Grateful For It // Alaska
This year has been a very accomplishing year. Although I intuitively knew the potential 2014, I had no clue it would play out the way it had bringing all it has in such a short time. If you go back and read my blog from the first of the year, you will see I talk a lot about love, being kind, and living life appreciating every moment you get. I speak a lot about loving yourself and being true to your own. I set out to discover myself in this year and start loving me the way I should have years ago. Without digging into my past, I have done many things without truth to my own just as most people do. I have traveled through time pretending to be something or someone I wasn't whether it was to fit in with a certain person or to design this life that was completely opposite from what I truly wanted out of fear of being my true self.
For the first time in, well, ever I am Julie - inside and out. I have never been happier in my life. I have never felt the way I feel right now. The personal discoveries and light I have found this year alone are enough to make me happy to be selfish and grateful for it. I have learned to put myself first and make myself happy. I know, I know you are sitting here reading this and saying "be selfish, well that's not the way to be." But let me tell you it is in the way I am speaking of. You are the only one that controls your emotions in any given situation and the way things make you feel. Be selfish, keep all that happiness, steal the emotions that make you soar and forget about the negative shit. Be selfish in a way that you see you are the only one responsible for your life and no one else. You cannot depend on anyone to make you happy. It comes from you and you alone. Change your world. If you are not happy, you cannot ever dream of sharing happiness with anyone. There is no way I can make my children feel happy and loved if I cannot first make myself that example. That is why you must be selfish and create the person inside of you that needs to be there shining bright. Now in saying this about acting for yourself, don't ever forget to be kind in all things and have a kind heart towards others. We are living in a world that needs more good. The one thing that will change this world is if everyone simply treated others how they would want to be treated. In any situation, stop and put yourself there. If that was you, would you want that person to be doing to you what you are doing to them? It is an overly simple concept that not a lot of people quite can understand, and it is misfortunate.
The actuality of this life changing idea of a year took a while to surface. Although I wanted it to happen, it took a lot of eye openers and challenges before it really set in on what I had to do. And by all means I am still learning - especially the part about loving the unloveliness of myself, the parts that still make up me. The realization that it was within myself that needed the change to be able to change my world and become who I am today really set in about February. I had a fortunate event take place that led to seeing that it might actually be ok to show my true self and it be accepting to others. Knowing it doesn't matter what other people think or how they see you, it took a while for that to become a reality to someone like myself who was dependent on having a certain image and worrying about if people will like the real Julie. At the end of February, I was blessed to be able to take a family trip to Alaska. The majestic, snow covered mountains held a power behind them that was surreal. A spiritual feel so extraordinary, I was almost beside myself. And not to mention the pure amazement as I was in staring at the luminous northern lights dancing throughout the sky and over Mount McKinley. The whole trip was life changing. I found a part of me that had been buried so deep it is a miracle it surfaced. I was told by someone very special to me, my brother, that perhaps it wasn't the mountains in Alaska that held this sensation, instead it was me. The power I feel and the spiritualness of experiences in certain forms is simply a mirror image of how I see myself. I could put someone beside me on top of that mountain and they might not feel the same sensation. It's a greatness I seen in myself and knowing I have that power within these walls I've put up.
If you still happen to be reading this, thank you! I wrote this sitting on a plane headed to New York to see my special someone, with intentions for this to simply be a follow up to this year’s New Year Resolution blog. But it has sparked inspiration within myself to keep writing, and boy do I have a lot to say. Unless you are ready to break out the pizza and beer or cuddle up next to the fire with a glass of wine, I’ll allow you to stop reading here. I have set out to continue writing much, much more. Maybe one day you can read the rest in that book I plan to finish someday. I am blessed to be able to have found this light within myself, and I hope to show each of you that all your power is within yourself. Your true happiness comes from being you and loving your real self like no other. There is nothing worth losing yourself over. Get the mind and soul in the right place and your world falls together in the right time. Live that life you want and desire. Stop worrying so much about things. Thank you 2014 for being the best year yet. Cheers to 2015 and an endless amount of more adventures I know you will bring.