Being Vulnerable + Releasing Fear // Arches National Park Moab, Utah


One of those things that seem like it just happened yesterday but at the same time feels like it was another lifetime. A year ago to the day I went skydiving in Moab, Utah. It was a spiritual release of all that had been holding me back, letting go of expectations, and touching ground with a fresh start. Not a soul in the world knew the thought of free falling 10,000 feet back down to Earth was even an idea in my head before I set off on my 25-day road trip. I made certain no one knew that I was going to jump prior. In fact, I actually kept is a secret until I returned home over a week later. It seems to be a running trend that the most profound planned experiences I have are confidential. But for over two months I had prepared for this intense moment at Skydive Moab, and it far exceeded any epic-ness that I even thought was possible. For the first time in my life, I had absolutely no expectations of what was about to happen. One thing I took away from this experience was the idea of just letting go.

The night before jumping I found a pull off in Arches National Park to sleep. I decided to wake up at 3:00 AM and capture the mystical sky revolving around the northern star with Balanced Rock standing tall in the foreground. I stood alone in the dark, cold night knowing I had to be at the airport in five hours. I was scared. Certain some nervousness came from being outside in the middle of the night clueless at what was around me because I couldn't use a flashlight, but I was about to jump out of a plane very soon. Vulnerability had set in.

Funny thing about vulnerability, it seems to be a necessary step to feel deeply and truly connect. Being vulnerable is a good thing. Let that sink in for a minute. I have discovered over the past few months that I was not as accepting to the idea of being vulnerable as I thought I was a year ago. After facing personal issues later in the year, I also realized that I hadn't fully released expectations of outcomes either. I hadn't learned to love all of me: good, bad, and the ugly. Sure I adored the shining, adventurous spirit I hold thinking that was enough to be fulfilled, but what about the less grand attributes. What about the girl who clung to attachments with a death grip?

I began a meditation regimen in late 2016 for all the wrong reasons. But the more I started doing it for myself and letting go of what I expected to gain from meditation, the greater my reward was. What I began to see within - the lies I would attempt to tell myself, the pain, the emptiness - led me to a rude awakening. Crying and screaming to floating and laughing at times, I discovered truth. I started being open with myself, and as hard as it was facing darkness I began to feel. Intensely and honestly. I slowly learned to accept all of me. The realization of no longer fearing what I have buried for so long is pure enlightenment. Darkness cannot hide when acknowledged. I chose to feel all emotions that rise, allow them to pass through every cell, and then graciously release. The more vulnerable I consciously choose to be, the deeper I allow myself to feel genuine emotions and the greater my authenticity shines. 

Life is a journey of experiences that have the power to change you for the better or worse but nevertheless ever-changing. {insert John Mayer lyrics: "give your heart then change your mind, you're allowed to do it"} Through it all remember to be kind to yourself, patient, and love yourself as constant as the north star.

Star Trail Photography | Balanced Rock Arches National Park


I stepped out on the ledge and took a glimpse of the snowy mountains in the distance. With eyes wide open, I fell back to the canyons. At the bottom the instructor asked what my favorite part was and what was the scariest part - coming out of the plane. It's funny how that works out.

Skydiving in Utah | Skydive Moab
Skydiving in Utah | Skydive Moab
Skydiving in Utah | Skydive Moab
Skydiving in Utah | Skydive Moab

More skydiving photos and the incredible video on post Welcome Back To Earth Beautiful Spirit.

Because I can't seem to end a personal blog without a music video and also shows how the Universe and synchronicity is no joke. Fun fact: Just minutes before I was scheduled to be at Canyonlands Field, I made a quick pit stop at a wannabe gas station with just a single porta potty because my bladder was a bit nervous. As I walk into the store to browse for a quick moment (and found my Moab coffee mug!), I realized the song playing over the speakers - Free Fallin' - and of course it was John Mayer's cover version because that's how my life works. I knew this was a sign that all is well, and I busted through the doors and owned this craziness that was about to go down.