The Power of Art and Letting Go

Fingertips, northern lights, tracing colors right through the sky. Underneath a lullaby, I never felt as blissful as I do here. And my heart sings in a world so incredible. And everything shines much brighter.
— Cider Sky
Northern Lights Painting on Trey Ceilings

This is my ceiling above my bed, or at least was my ceiling. I sold my house today. I designed and built the house in 2013 and have made some wonderful memories while I called this place home. The art, representing the Northern Lights, is a joint-effort creation by myself and someone who is very dear to me. I painted the lined side along with the UFO, and he painted the swirled above my side of the bed. The moon and stars were created together. Reflecting on our work of art upon completion, we laid ‘under the stars’ at 3AM with lollipops and made up names for the constellations. It was a night I’ll always remember.

The new owners are in for a surprise when they turn out the lights tonight… 
There is glow-in-the-dark paint mixed into the design!

Family aside, Christian was the first person to ever love me merely for my existence and the first I ever shared any bit of authenticity with because I always feared rejection before him. We met in October 2014 and remained in contact through a long-distance relationship over the next year. He opened my eyes to a beautiful journey towards self-love. He made me feel safe to explore my desires of adventure and stand proud in my unique being. Although the Universe would take us in different directions, I’m so thankful for the connection and the person I became going through the joy of being together and the pain of separation. Throughout the past four years, with each night laying under our sky, I would think about how some Divine power brought us together with synchronistic timing. I guess everything about us is the definition of soulmates. He came into my life to mirror something within and enlighten a particular piece of my higher self in a way that only he had the ability to do. I will forever cherish him for that.

I thought for the longest that I’d never give up this painting. I couldn’t bear the thought of breaking that final attachment, but I’m learning the beauty of letting go. I held on to so much pain from our dissolution for greater time than I’d like to admit. I missed him deeply. Eventually, through meditation and self-reflection practices, I began realizing that it wasn’t him I was missing but rather a version of myself that I discovered, fell in love with, and lost again through the suffering. The happiness experienced in our relationship was not a result of the physical connection but rather channeled by being my honest self and loving all aspects of this beautiful being I am.

I’ve said for years that I want to write, but my mind always wandered away from the task. Other than the random dabbling throughout a few blog posts, I haven’t fully expressed the thoughts that have been caged in my mind. Over the past year, I have really dove deep into conversations with a few people face-to-face and, with each, have awakened something new within myself. I’m finally ready to share more publicly and lift the weight that’s been on me. Intuition tells me that my words are meant for someone; so may my words find home within the ones they are meant for. Here’s to the official release of #diaryofmagnolia - the end of a chapter and the beginning of the next.